Imposter Syndrome and CYA

CYA is happening!

It’s two days till I meet my first editor for a CYA assessment. I’m looking at the stories I sent her and I want to pull them back through the internet and throw them in the bin. What was I thinking?

But – the money has been paid, the assessment booked and I’ve had my lesson on how zoom operates during assessments so there is no going back.

It’s been months since I booked my first assessments. Yet it feels like it’s happened way too quickly!

As my anxiety grows, I wonder what it is I’m scared of? I made such a mess of submitting my stories (I was recovering from pneumonia) but the amazing folk who run CYA untangled the mess and stories were sent to editors. Are they the best stories? No. Does it matter? Well, maybe, but no.

These are assessments, not pitches, so the hope is the editor will give me enough guidance to improve my stories. Assessments, not pitches. I keep reminding myself.

Of course, in the back of everybody’s mind, including mine, is the hope the editor will be so impressed they will ask to see your stories again. Wouldn’t that be amazing!

In fantasy land, they come to the assessment with a contract ready for you to sign while unicorns cheer from the sidelines!

But we don’t live in fantasy land…except when we are writing!

The real fear is they will look at my stories and wonder why I bothered. A bit like I am wondering now. Am I exposing myself to these wonderful editors as someone who cannot write? Is this how others feel two nights before assessments begin?

I’ve seen similar posts on FB and in writing groups so I know I’m not alone, but those other people can write. What if I can’t!

Of course, none of this could be happening and we wouldn’t be having these amazing opportunities without the amazing CYA team. Particularly Tina and Shawn. They dealt with my stress and booboos when submitting like the true professional they are. I’ll be better next year – I promise! And of course if I’m making mistakes, there must be others? Tell me there were others.

And thank you to the editors and industry reps who are spending the time assessing and talking to those of us who will be hanging off their every words, hoping they will move us forward in our quest to be published!

Hats off to the CYA Team! And best of luck to my fellow writers and illustrators who are facing their fears and putting themselves, and their work in front of the industry we all want to be a part of.